Dan Dalton—Getty Images
By Claire Millard / Wise Bread
June 29, 2016

Money and relationships have always gone hand in hand. From the practice of paying wedding dowries, to the formal class system, which kept layers of wealth strictly separate. But we’re over that now, right?

Maybe not.

In some ways, society never really moved on. And the amplifying effect of social media and easy communication can actually make us more likely than ever to be tempted to spend to impress. Here’s why.

Herd Behavior

As sophisticated as our modern lifestyle might be, we’re all still powered by brains that evolved more to keep us out of the way of wild animals than to encourage us to develop prudent retirement plans. The primal part of the brain is hardwired to take over when there is a threat or pressure — making it responsible for much of the reflex action that drives the sort of “keeping up with the Joneses” conspicuous consumption.

While our more rational mind might recognize that we risk spending money we don’t have, buying things we don’t need to impress people we don’t like (to paraphrase Dave Ramsey), the instinct to keep up takes over. Faced with the perceived threat of being left behind by the herd, our instinctive responses make it far more likely we will spend to maintain or improve our place in the pecking order. And before we know it, our brains can trick us into spending on an impulse, no matter what our more rational intentions might be.

Read More: 4 Ways Your Brain Tricks You Into Spending

Old Habits Die Hard

Conspicuous consumption is a concept over a century old — appearing in the 1899 economics book, The Theory of the Leisure Class. At the time, it was intended to describe the habits of the emerging upper class, made rich by the industrial revolution. While wealth had been condensed in the hands of very few, this up and coming class felt the need to cement their worth in the eyes of their peers — and spent to an outrageous degree to do so.

A more modern term for this practice is lifestyle inflation, in which the basic building blocks of our lifestyle start to cost more than we can afford. As we live beyond our means, the costs can snowball quickly, and spending becomes a defining part of our identity.

Stuff can define us. While the “greed is good” years might have passed, the brands we identify with, the places we choose to spend our leisure time, and the districts we live in still form the backbone of the persona we present to the world. We tend to be drawn to others who make the same choices, and the whole circle becomes self-fulfilling. Spending to impress never went away, it just got a new name.

Read More: This Is How Americans Spent Their Money in the 1950s

Social Media Amplification

Possibly the biggest challenge today is that when it comes to lifestyle, everybody is faking it. Social media promotes unrealistic ideals when it come to the perfect beach body, but it is responsible for projecting a lot of unrealistic lifestyle images, too.

It’s not malicious. Most of us use social media primarily to share good things and celebrate successes — keeping life’s challenges out of the unrestricted sharing of the Internet. But naturally, you then see a social media feed full of only glamorous vacation pictures, new purchases, and awesome parties. It’s easy to think that this is how everyone else lives their life. But when the truth is that nearly half of all Americans would struggle to find the ready cash to cover an unexpected bill of only $400, the reality seems a little less glitzy.

Read More: 5 Ways to Make Retail Therapy Good for You

How to Break the Cycle

So doing poorly thought-out things on an impulse, to impress the crowd and retain our place in the social pecking order, might have been with us since our cavemen days. Despite our sophisticated outlook and lifestyle, our basic instincts have not evolved beyond this stage — and won’t any time soon. With aspirational images of lifestyles we can’t afford popping right into our phones by the minute, it’s no wonder that the boundaries of what is realistic are blurred.

Even though we can’t change our brains, and are unlikely to be able to step away from the social media feed for very long, we can take a look around us. We can actively learn to appreciate the things we already have, rather than looking for the next thing to provide temporary fulfillment. It isn’t easy, but practice makes perfect.

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