It's Amazon Prime Day, the big annual sale just for members of Amazon's $99-a-year free shipping service, and the Internet's verdict seems to be a resounding "meh." The selection seems to resemble something between a garage sale and clearance day at the dollar store, with items like dishwasher soap being advertised as an "exclusive" Prime bargain.
But like the best garage sales, Amazon Prime Day's selection occasionally manages to merge boring with total randomness in a way that makes you pause and wonder, "wait, that exists?" These are the five strangest Amazon Prime Day deals we've seen so far.
Beard Growther by Beard Farmer promises a "Longer Fuller Beard" faster, and with "18 RARE Essential Plant Oils," it has the ring of science you've come to expect from the hair-growth solution industry.
The product, which seems to be some sort of cream, is not pictured on the page, but customers are treated to multiple pictures of men who do indeed have beards. So that's something.
Unfortunately, even the bearded men weren't enough to make this product a hit with customers. Despite the deal—$17.29 at 42% off—being live for about an hour at press time, only 46% of the supply had been claimed.
Horrifying Smiley Placemat
The ezpz Happy Mat, which is basically a giant rubber smile you can fill with food, might actually be a good idea if it weren't terrifying.
The mat's smile looks like the kind of thing that would come to life in a low-budget horror movie, and that's without anything inside it. Add some triscuit teeth and orange slice eyes, and this product is everything childhood nightmares are made of. About 30% of the mats in Amazon's deal remain unsold, meaning the product has found 70% of its target market of people who hate their kids.
Beer Koozie That's Just for People Born in 1975
This "funny 40th birthday gift!" is, apparently, a beer coozy emblazoned with the year the recipient was born.
This wouldn't be a particularly weird gift except for all the questions it raises. There's also a 1965 version on sale, but why just those two decades? Does Amazon think 40 and 50-year olds are particularly enamoured with their birth year? And how is it 100% claimed? Who is buying this? What am I missing?
Nail Clippers for a Giant Dog
*Logs on to Amazon Prime*
"Oooh wow, Prime Day! Let's see what they have."
"Uh huh, ok well my beard is fine but thanks for asking."
"Oh, perfect! Nail clippers for my gigantic dog's gigantic bear claws! Glad I have this Prime Subscription!"
Apparently the above mental monologue happened a lot because this deal is 100% sold out.
Gigantic Wine Glass
Ever wanted to drink a whole bottle of wine at once while also making it impossible to back out of your terrible, terrible, decision? The Big Betty XL Premium Jumbo Wine Glass is here for you!
The 10" by 5" inch glass "Holds a whole bottle of wine!" and to seal the deal, the page notes Big Betty was featured on the "TBS hit show Cougar Town." The deal was 93% sold out at press time, so maybe Amazon subscribers are celebrating Prime Day in other non-shopping ways.