--- title: How to Give to Your Kids Without Spoiling Them description: Suggestions for gifts that are affordable and meaningful, and that encourage children to appreciate what they've been given. authors: - name: Alexa von Tobel url: https://money.com/author/alexa-von-tobel/ at_money_since: 2016 articles: 1 covers: - Career Advice social: - https://x.com/alexavontobel former_staff: true published: '2015-12-02T19:13:16.000Z' modified: '2024-05-16T10:39:53.000Z' section: Lifestyle tags: - Allowance - Holidays - Kids and Money word_count: 464 canonical: https://money.com/give-without-spoiling/ type: Article source: structured-blocks --- > **Disclosure:** We research all brands listed and may earn a fee from our partners. Research and financial considerations may influence how brands are displayed. Not all brands are included. [Learn more](https://money.com/page/disclaimer/). ![PAM12_B](https://img.money.com/2015/12/pam12_b.jpg?crop=632px%2C123px%2C867px%2C488px&quality=85) As a brand-new mom, I'm realizing how easy it is to fall into the trap of overindulging my daughter, Toby. My challenge: I don't want to refrain from gift-giving altogether, but I want to raise her to appreciate presents, not expect them. As founder of a company that promotes smart financial decisions, I also want to practice what I preach. Not all gifts need to offer a teaching moment, but I've been looking for ideas that are affordable and meaningful, and that encourage children to appreciate what they've been given. Here are a few I've come up with. **• Give memories.** Research has shown repeatedly that spending money on "stuff" doesn't make us any happier. I love treating younger kids (as young as 3 or 4) to a show or kid-friendly exhibition. Make it special: Let them unwrap a related picture or inexpensive toy, and take a photo on site that you can frame and keep. Another option is sentimental gifts. Someone suggested that I write my daughter a letter every time I have to be away from her because of my job. I've now set up an email account for her, and I send my notes there, so she can open and read them later. I hope they'll mean more to her over time than any toy I might buy. **• Give patience.** Back in the 1960s, a Stanford University researcher posed a "[marshmallow test](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_marshmallow_experiment)" for children aged 3 to 5. That study (and its follow-ups) found those who could delay gratification—who could refrain from eating a marshmallow immediately in order to earn more later—were healthier and more successful through high school and as adults. One way to teach that skill to school-age children is to offer money, instead of specific items, but impose some rules: 20% can be spent immediately, however they choose; 30% should be saved up and spent in a year; and the other 50% should go toward their long-term future (in a savings or 529 account). My husband and I also use my daughter's college fund to keep family members on message. Since 529s can accept third-party contributions, we ask relatives and friends to give there in lieu of big presents. **• Give generosity.** A good friend recently told me that her grandfather gave her a birthday check every year to donate to a charity of her choice. That's an idea I love for older kids (though I'll probably do it in addition to a gift, not instead of one, as her grandfather did). It's another way to involve kids in the decision-making. For younger kids, take them to a toy store to let them pick out—and then go home and wrap—a toy to be given to a local charity. *Columnist Alexa von Tobel is the founder of LearnVest.* ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "@id": "https://money.com/give-without-spoiling/#breadcrumb", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://money.com" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Lifestyle", "item": "https://money.com/lifestyle/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Family", "item": "https://money.com/family/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "How to Give to Your Kids Without Spoiling Them" } ] }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://money.com/#website", "url": "https://money.com", "name": "Money", "publisher": { "@id": "https://money.com/#organization" } }, { "@type": "WebPage", "@id": "https://money.com/give-without-spoiling/#webpage", "url": "https://money.com/give-without-spoiling/", "name": "How to Give to Your Kids Without Spoiling Them", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://money.com/#website" }, "datePublished": "2015-12-02T19:13:16.000Z", "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://money.com/give-without-spoiling/" }, "inLanguage": "en-US", "breadcrumb": { "@id": "https://money.com/give-without-spoiling/#breadcrumb" }, "dateModified": "2024-05-16T10:39:53.000Z" }, { "@type": "Article", "headline": "How to Give to Your Kids Without Spoiling Them", "articleSection": "Lifestyle", "image": [ { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://img.money.com/2015/12/pam12_b.jpg?crop=632px%2C123px%2C867px%2C488px&quality=85", "width": 1012, "height": 569, "caption": "PAM12_B" } ], "author": [ { "@type": "Person", "name": "Alexa von Tobel", "url": "https://money.com/author/alexa-von-tobel/", "@id": "https://money.com/author/alexa-von-tobel/#author", "image": "https://img.money.com/2016/01/160114_bio_vontobel.jpg?quality=85&w=190&h=190&crop=1", "sameAs": [ "https://x.com/alexavontobel" ] } ], "publisher": "https://money.com/#organization", "datePublished": "2015-12-02T19:13:16.000Z", "description": "Suggestions for gifts that are affordable and meaningful, and that encourage children to appreciate what they've been given.", "abstract": "Suggestions for gifts that are affordable and meaningful, and that encourage children to appreciate what they've been given.", "@id": "https://money.com/give-without-spoiling/", "inLanguage": "en-US", "dateModified": "2024-05-16T10:39:53.000Z", "wordCount": 464, "keywords": [ "Allowance", "Holidays", "Kids and Money" ], "about": [ { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Lifestyle", "sameAs": [ "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lifestyle" ] }, { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Family", "sameAs": [ "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family" ] } ] } ] } ```