The High Cost of Dating Is Forcing Gen Z to Reconsider Relationships
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Financial uncertainty is causing some young adults to hit pause on dating and other major relationship milestones.
That doesn’t mean young folks have given up on finding a partner altogether. Dating app Coffee Meets Bagel’s latest Dating Realness Report found that 92% of U.S. daters ages 21 to 35 are seeking marriage or a long-term relationship.
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But that same survey found that 54% rank having their finances in order among their top life priorities, ahead of love and relationships.
“Financial stability is increasingly seen as a priority over the years, especially among Gen Z, who entered a world where the economic reality has changed,” Quincy Yang, chief executive officer of Coffee Meets Bagel, tells Money. “Housing, groceries and everyday costs make partnership feel tied to the need for long-term planning.”
A recent Bank of America study also found that nearly a quarter of Generation Z — those born between 1997 and 2012 — have put off taking the next step in a relationship because of money concerns.
Money concerns have long shaped milestones like homeownership and starting a family. Increasingly, they are influencing how young adults approach dating itself — affecting when they pursue relationships, what they look for in a partner and what it means to feel ready for commitment.
The rising cost of dating
Dating is no longer separate from financial planning. It’s part of it.
The average “all-in” cost of a date now stands at about $189, up from $168 a year ago, according to BMO’s Real Financial Progress Index. Americans who went on dates spent an average of $2,323 over the past year.
As those costs rise, dating behaviors have started to shift. Half of Americans say they have gone on fewer dates or opted for less expensive activities because of affordability challenges. Dating frequency has also dipped, from roughly 14 dates a year in 2025 to about 12, BMO found.
For many, the issue may not be just frequency but value. According to BMO, nearly half (47%) of singles say dating is no longer financially worth it. from s
That sentiment has surfaced online, with some users on Reddit’s r/simpleliving forum describing dating as an expense that competes with other budget priorities, from emergency savings to debt repayment. Some said they had scaled back dating or stepped away from it altogether because the costs outweighed the benefits.
But in some cases, those concerns shape behavior in subtler ways. Money anxiety doesn’t just limit how much people spend on dating — it can also influence who they choose to date in the first place.
“Financial anxiety affects how we think, feel, and behave around our finances, and that absolutely extends to whom we do — or don’t — date,” says Lindsay Bryan-Podvin, a financial therapist at Afterpay and Cash App.
She adds that people often project money-related fears onto potential partners, avoiding matches or situations that feel misaligned with their own economic stress or past experiences.
“If someone’s financial anxiety manifests as them believing that going out to eat means they’ll never afford a home, they may swipe past dating profiles that feature dinners out,” Bryan-Podvin says.
“For others, their anxiety is a response to a past experience. If someone was blindsided by the amount of debt an ex had, their worries may be deeper than a hypothetical fear.”
When financial stress affects relationship readiness
Money troubles may also affect whether people feel ready to pursue relationships at all. According to Dr. Jessica Meers, a licensed clinical psychologist, ongoing economic strain can erode self-confidence and make vulnerability feel more difficult.
"It's less 'I'm choosing my savings over dating' and more 'I don't feel like enough right now to show up for someone else,'" Meers says. "This difference matters because one is empowering and the other is painful, but data often cannot show the difference."
That mindset also surfaced in conversations with young adults discussing dating online. In response to a Reddit post seeking experiences for this story, several users said they had delayed dating until they felt more financially stable.
One Reddit user wrote, "I've always felt it's the right thing to be financially independent before dating." Another said they wanted to pay off a home, own reliable vehicles and build savings before pursuing a relationship again — although they also acknowledged that those milestones can feel increasingly out of reach.
Others said dating doesn't have to be expensive, pointing to low-cost or free activities. "Dates are as expensive as you want them to be. A game of chess in the park is a date. Going to a free local community event is a date," one redditor wrote.
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Financial compatibility matters more than ever
While dating costs may be prompting some adults to rethink how and when they pursue relationships, money is also shaping who they choose to date.
"I'm 30, based in Denver, and I own three businesses. From the outside, that probably sounds like I have it all figured out, but dating has genuinely been one of the harder parts of my 20s, and I think money is a big reason why," says Lauren Brychell, founder and consultant at Equity Elevated Consulting.
Brychell says financial alignment — not just earnings — has become central to how she evaluates partners. "Not like, does he make good money. More like, does he actually think about money the way I do," she says.
"I've dated guys who were perfectly successful by normal standards but had zero interest in building anything beyond their next paycheck. That's a dealbreaker for me at this point."
Bank of America’s survey found that 61% of Gen Z prioritize a partner with similar financial goals, while nearly three-quarters (74%) say being responsible with money is important when choosing a partner. Additionally, 43% say irresponsible spending habits are a romantic dealbreaker.
“Gen Z is rewriting the rulebook on what it means to be financially ready for love. It’s no longer just about income — it’s about alignment,” says Will Smayda, head of financial centers at Bank of America.
That alignment extends beyond salaries or net worth. Many young folks are looking for partners who share similar attitudes toward spending, saving and long-term planning.
“Daters are not necessarily asking for bank balances on date one, but [they’re] paying closer attention to values such as ambition, career direction and spending mindset," says Yang.
In the company’s latest Dating Realness Report, roughly 60% of respondents said ambition or drive is a must-have quality in a partner. Yang says that reflects a broader shift toward evaluating potential partners through both a romantic and practical lens, asking, “Can we build a stable life together?”
'Money is a part of romantic relationships'
While financial stability has become increasingly important, experts caution against viewing it as a prerequisite for happiness or connection.
Bryan-Podvin says people don’t need every money matter figured out before pursuing relationships. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting stability, but progress and a plan are sexy, too,” she says.
Rather than waiting until all their ducks are in a row, she encourages people to focus on making meaningful progress while remaining open to other life experiences. That may be especially important for young folks who feel pressured to reach a certain level of financial success before pursuing more.
In the end, the question might not be whether love or money matters more. It’s figuring out how to pursue both in a way that works for you and your long-term goals.
“Money is a part of romantic relationships, period,” Bryan-Podvin says. “Dreaming about a future together, including how it’s funded, is deeply intimate and romantic.”